As we learned in the YouTube video, 12 Steps of AA with Father Martin, AA began in 1935 by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith. This is where the 12 principles (known as the 12 steps) derived from. Prior to my two visits to AA in Tinley Park, I made myself familiar with the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, and the Big Book.
When I made my first visit to Tinley Park Community Church for Sunday night's AA meeting, I went along with a friend, as the thought of going alone made me quite nervous. I had absolutely no idea what to expect the first time I went through those doors; this was my first time ever attending an AA meeting. To my surprise, I was greeted by two friendly women with a handshake, smiles, and a few pressing questions:
1) Is this your first meeting?
2) Are you a student? You must be a student?
You'd think we had "students" written on our foreheads, as we were asked this same question a few different times during that first meeting alone! Well, yes. I am a student, and my sole purpose of being there was to gain exposure, observe, and discuss my experience with my peers. I did in fact do all of those things, but I also enjoyed it and learned far more than I ever anticipated.
These particular AA meetings were held in a church and consisted of a large, diverse group of people. At 7pm sharp the group coordinator stood at the podium. To the left and right of her, two large boards held up by easels presenting the very famous 12 steps in large black font, for everyone to see. She began the meeting with introducing herself, directing us (members) to greet and meet those around us, and ended with a moment of silence before we beginning the actual meeting. These meetings were structured similarly both times. It began with a short introduction and housekeeping announcements, readings of both the 12 steps and traditions (by pre selected members), stories from the two speakers of the evening, and ended with the acknowledgment and celebration of members reaching sobriety milestones and a group prayer.
I found myself the most struck by the encouragement and excitement all members had for the milestone celebrations of the week. The two that I got to witness were a 9 month sober celebration, and a whopping 33 year sober celebration! Both amazing milestones, and both equally as exciting. The strength and commitment each and every member demonstrated was truly inspiring.
I was astounded by the stories I heard from the guest speakers, and members who chose to respond. Through their difficult stories and hardships, they found the strength and power to create a better lives for themselves, and make the decision to become sober. They all talked in great detail about where they were in their personal steps and journey. Along with this, they also shared the wonderful relationships they have established with their sponsors, the courageous step they took in order to become a sponsor for others, and accept the responsibility that comes along with that.
While sitting in these meetings, I could not help but mentally refer back to the 12 steps of AA with Father Martin YouTube video (linked below). He highlights a few aspects of AA that I saw demonstrated clearly in the meetings I attended. The first aspect I thought about was gratitude. Father Martin mentions that, "it is impossible to stay sober without gratitude". He correlates this statement to the 12th step of AA which reads "having a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all of our affairs". In other words, Father Martin states this step is simply "walking the walk". This final step is a command. A command alcoholics abide to. Through the stories shared, there was not one single person who did not mention gratitude. Gratitude for their experiences and how it got them to where they are today, gratitude for their sponsors and sponsees, and gratitude for their fellow AA members who encourage and inspire them to continue to be sober each and everyday. Powerful, right?
All in all, this experience was valuable. I can tell you for sure, those attending AA, and have the opportunity to find a home in a community of people like I witnessed, are truly getting adequate and life changing help. The recovery process can be hard and extremely challenging. This can be even harder if one does not have a support system. Accountability, reassurance, compassion, and care are all critical components of successful recovery. This was something that I, as an outsider, was able to witness while attending these meetings. I could not help but rejoice with those who were celebrating recovery, and commend those who are attending these meetings religiously in order to make a better life for themselves. I definitely learned a lot as a guest.
I wanted to end with a quote that I feel is appropriate for anyone recovering from alcoholism or any other addiction, no matter where you are in your recovery... "it will not be easy, but it will be worth it". The work you are putting in for recovery is noticed, admirable, and most importantly, worthwhile!!
References
12 Steps of AA with Father Martin YouTube video: (https://youtu.be/sqKvijuc89k)
12 Steps and Traditions: https://www.projectknow.com/research/alcoholics-anonymous-12-step/
For more info on how to find AA groups near you: https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-local-aa
Alcoholics Anonymous: The story of how many more than one hundred men have recovered from alcoholism. (1939). New York: Works Pub.
Jocelyn,
ReplyDeleteI wonder if I should worry that I was not recognized as a student. I will admit to looking a bit worn around the edges. The meeting I attended was quite large and there was not a specific greeter when I arrived. I guess this is why when I talked to some members after the meeting they stated that sometimes success is all about finding the meeting that is the right fit for you and willingness to go to any meeting when the need to drink is overpowering.
I am so glad you got to witness a 33 year celebration. I myself witnessed a 1 month and a 1 year among others. These two stood out to me because of the different observations I was able to make. The 1 month recipient almost seemed hesitant. He had a look of disbelief, relief and fear all rolled up in one. Not to sound disrespectful because I am anything but, however, the term hot mess comes to mind. His struggles were worn like a badge of honor for all to see and I think my compassion for this man was greater than the man who celebrated his one year. The composure and confidence of this individual was like a beacon of hope for the 1 month recipient to aspire for.
I was glad to read your post as it left me feeling more optimistic and less reverent than the meeting I attended did. I don't think it was the meeting perhaps as my perception of it as I have lived among alcoholics in my family and witnessed the destruction it can cause and perhaps that is why I perceived the intensity I did.
Just like those who attend I image what you bring to these meetings and the perceptions and emotional climate you possess all influence what you take away from them. I will have to keep that in mind when working with clients and be cognizant that each persons experiences are unique to themselves.
Lisa
Hi, Jocelyn, I hope you're enjoying your weekend!
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your blog post! It was lighthearted and funny. And I found myself smiling as I was reading your experience. The part about you has student written on your forehead made me laugh out loud. I think its funny how others can sometimes point us out. It might be in our eyes how eager we are to learn about others. I am glad that you felt welcomed and felt how strong the sense of community was in those meetings. I can only imagine how this can be so powerful for those who regularly attend these meetings. It must have been amazing to witness milestones! what a wonderful privilege to be there for a milestone that must have felt like such hard work for the individual. I can only imagine how energetic the room must have felt. I feel often times society labels these strong people just "addicts" and forgets about them. But these meetings give them a light to shine and show their strengths and positive traits. After listening to a couple stories myself I can agree with you how unbelievably strong these people can be and there is more to them than just their substance abuse and their stories. Thank you for sharing!
Hi Jocelyn this was actually me posting this! I had issues with blogger that day no wonder Dr. Sobon was talking about an unknown poster! sorry to leave you wondering!
Delete-Julie V
DeleteHi Jocelyn,
ReplyDeleteGreat reflection and insight! I was not asked if I was a student either but I was asked why I was attending and couldn't help but feel a little scared. Are these people going to be mad that I'm there? Are they going to judge me? Shortly after being there I realized my insecurities were ridiculous! I too got to witness a celebration of sobriety; although I don't know how long the person was celebrating (because I was late to this meeting) everyone who spoke that night congratulated the person. It was such a supportive environment and I couldn't help but put myself in their shoes. If I ever needed to be in recovery would I attend the meetings and as a therapist how can I offer some encouragement for my client who inquires about the 12 steps. I believe the answer would be, yes! Yes I would rely on the program to get me through and as a therapist I feel more competent today offering some advice as to what to expect from the program. Just as you witnessed people offering gratitude for the people around them and the program, I also witnessed this theme when I attended my meetings. People were grateful to be at the meeting, grateful for another day of sobriety, and grateful for the opportunity to start life over.
Jocelyn, I love the connection you made on gratitude between the Father Martin lecture and your experience. The way Fr Martin speaks about gratitude has stuck with me for years. Gratitude pulls us out of our selfish mentality and self-serving behaviors. Within the AA framework, addiction is a selfish disease that causes the person to turn entirely inward. Related to your concerns about looking like a student, my guess would be that 1) you went to a meeting near Trinity (and possibly other universities) and 2) that greeter has greeted 100s of people who walk in those doors with hopelessness, fear, trauma, barely sober, etc. She likely has a keen eye for how to approach each of these people, depending on how they're presenting.
ReplyDeleteWhile you likely felt anxieties about attending a meeting, she may have recognized that you didn't look like who she typically greets. Sounds like you were greeted warmly by many and had a meaningful experience.
Hi Jocelyn! I very much enjoyed your Blog post I, as well, did not go alone because I felt very uncomfortable doing so. My experience seemed to be different and very much informal since there wasn’t a list of the twelve traditions or twelve steps written anywhere, and the group was pretty small. But I am so glad you were welcomed in such a warm and loving way as me and my classmate were welcomed.
ReplyDeleteI really like that they in every meeting recite the 12 traditions and 12 steps because it really focuses the group on what the group is founded on these core beliefs and principles, very nice! I also LOVE that they celebrated the huge milestones of those that each sobriety for so long! Both were celebrated equally and with so much love. The 9-month sober was just so impacted that they received as much acknowledgement as the one who celebrated his/her 33 years! I feel like it also gives them faith that they can make it just as far as their peer.
I truly wish I could have heard more of everyone’s back story and success in my group as you heard in yours, hearing testimonies really brings someone hope and sets the tone that it IS possible. I agree that walking the walk involves gratitude, gratitude to God, how far they have come, and where they are wanting to go. That is just so powerful! Especially giving honor to where honor is due.
One thing I noticed in my group that I attended and what you have noticed in yours is the sense of community that they all seem to share for each other which I think helps them come back every week.
Hi Jocelyn,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your honest experience attending AA meetings. I can relate to your feeling of being nervous the first time you attend and it is comforting to walk through those doors with the support of a friend. What I really love abut AA meetings is the friendly and welcoming environment. That is something I have found at every meeting I have attended and makes it easier to attend when I go by myself. I like the connection you made with the Father Martin video and that it is impossible to stay sober without gratitude. It is so powerful hearing other members talk about their experience and how grateful they are for the people who helped them along the way and for the help AA provided them. I love witnessing at AA meetings the people who are there to celebrate an anniversary. Whether it is one day sober, one week, or ten years- all anniversaries are celebrated with the same amount of enthusiasm. One day at a time is something AA members truly live by. It is powerful to witness. Thank you for sharing your insight and experience with AA. I’m glad you had such a positive experience with attending.